


A different path

by Chu



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 12:38:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2348702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chu/pseuds/Chu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What might have happened if he had chosen to walk a different path..?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A different path

With a heavy sigh Masato Hijirikawa reached out a his slender hands and began to try and gather up yet another pile of papers that he had spent the last forty minutes reading over. With slight shake of his head he let them slip neatly into his out-tray and brought a hand up to cover his face. For a moment he let his thoughts wander as he rubbed at his eyes, they were tired and achey. He had been up a long time and alas the day could not be concluded yet. It was the middle of a month dedicated entirely to getting the finances of the Hijirikawa-conglomerate entirely and completely in order. It was a big task, but it needed to be completed. 

The weight of it had been weighing heavily on his mind for a couple of weeks already. It wouldn’t be long, however. Soon this would be over and done with and then he could breathe again. Perhaps he would even be able to find the time to go and see his friends this year…? It was unlikely. He had not seen them in a long time, but he still heard from them all on and off, he knew they were doing well and that was honestly enough for him a lot of the time. Despite that however, he couldn’t help but wonder how he would have felt if he had not chosen to tread such a different path from the rest of the group. 

At 25 years old it was now a fair stretch of time since he had been forced to part ways with his friends and one time band mates. Years in fact, when had that happened…? The thought forced him to close his eyes for a moment; a surge of feeling welling up within him at the recollection of how long it had been since they were all together. They had been close, it had hurt to pull away from them as he had done, but it had been inescapable. Clearing his throat, Masato pushed the thoughts aside. He had no time for sentimentality at this point. There was far too much to be done and he had no licence at all to be sad on his friends account. They had all done well, they had all found their own paths to tread, and each and every one had found success in their own field. 

He had gotten to enjoy a couple of years after finishing the ‘Master Course’ working with his friends as Starish, starring in majoritively historical drama’s for his own part, but also a few other things here and there. Some songs he performed on his own, and he did some shows with his other band mates as well from time to time. They had spent a lot of time together as a group, going out to eat, going on trips when they could and it had honestly been a whirlwind of experiences. However… the key experience of the entire thing had been running into, getting to know all over again… and eventually falling in love with one Ren Jinguji. 

It had been slow burning to begin with, they had not gotten along well at first and had devoted time frequently to rankling each other as much as possible. It couldn’t last however. They were roommates, they had to get along to some degree, and after one disagreement that actually ended more aggressively than most… things started to heal slowly but surely. It took a long time, a little under a year. But eventually the pair of them had settled into an amicable friendship. It hadn’t taken too long after that point for things to accelerate into something of an inferno between them. Feelings had awakened that he had found extremely difficult to deny. 

Ren had been a part of his life for nearly as long as he could remember and finding himself honestly becoming emotionally attached to his strawberry blonde friend had been strangely comfortable. It was easy to fall for his attractive looks, his well kept appearance and the fact that honestly… underneath the fronting and the image of a heart-stealing flirt… was one of the most gentle, caring and easily wounded hearts that Masato believed he had ever known. It was a heart he came to cherish, and a heart he somehow won over with a soft kiss in the grounds on a cold, dark winters evening. 

In the beginning it had at times been difficult for Masato to come to terms with openly sharing his feelings. His emotions were not entirely his strongest point and expressing them was even less so. Little by little with the aid of the affection which he truly did feel for his friend, coupled with an honestly unexpected amount of patience from Ren they had been eased free, and became entirely focussed on the almost criminally good looking blonde. There were days he drove him up the wall with his irksome behaviour, there were days he drove him up the wall in an entirely different way. Setting him on edge with looks and smiles and soft touches that sent his heart beat wildly out of control. And then there were days where he couldn’t believe his luck. Where he spent every moment that he could just touching the man he had fallen so badly in love with. Holding his hand, touching his arm, his shoulder, his hair, his face. Just being near him was all it took to make him happy and having him thank whatever twist of fate had brought them together once again. 

They could lay in bed together for hours, arms about each other, lost in the close comfort of each other. Over time the touches became less innocent, the holds more intimate and when they spent the night together body as well as soul, it was as lovers, nothing less would do. Some nights they would be lost in passion, other nights simple closeness was all they needed. Everything between them fell into place with perfection, and very soon Masato knew that as thoroughly as Ren had captured his heart, he held Ren’s as well. He loved him more than he could easily comprehend, and he needed him more desperately than the breath that filled his lungs. He was utterly lost, utterly in love and for the spell of time they were able to be together the world had seemed warm and bright. 

But not everything good in this world his aloud to last. His separation from the group had caused trouble in his perfect paradise. Things individually had not gone as well as his participation within Starish had… and as much as he had loved every minute he spent with them, as time drew on he began to feel the the pressures of his families expectations weighing heavily on him once more. His performances slipped, he didn’t land as many roles and honestly the energy he could put into his music was waning. Guilt was eating him up. 

Of course he wanted to live his own life. Of course he wanted to carve his own path… but the fact remained undeniable. Without him to take over after his father… what was there to be? Of course he could say that he would return when his career ended, but would that be enough? Would that be enough time? Could he risk being the one to allow the family business to come to a conclusion? To be passed away to someone else…? He would not wish the role on Mai even if his father would deem it acceptable. He had been left with no choice in the end. He had had his taste of freedom, he knew he would crave it his whole life long… but he couldn’t deny his family. 

Leaving cast a heavy shadow on his heart, but staying had been hurting him just as badly. He had stepped out of the limelight and returned to a more normal life. It was just as busy in its way, but far, far less filled with happiness. A good day now came about when a stack of papers were completely done with. Or a finance file came back more in the black than anticipated. It was… tiresome really, and very lonely. It had been difficult for him at first; adapting to such a change. 

He hadn’t really left any of them with a chance to argue. His decision had been more or less privately made… the only one he had consulted had been Ren, and even the the consultation wasn’t very in depth. He had more or less made his standpoint clear, told him he loved him, and loved him dearly, but that this was the only route he believed his life could take… and the silly, perfect, wonderful bastard had supported him. He’d supported him in front of their friends, and in front of Shining himself… he’d supported him through each and every step… and then he lost him. 

Free time had become anathema to him. From one week to the next he couldn’t tell if he would even have an afternoon to call his own, so busy was he kept. It had worn away at whatever glue had been holding them together. Their meetings had fallen away into infrequency. Calls had become voicemails. Voicemails had become texts, and soon they came to a slow and painful halt as well. It was a slow death for something that had felt so full of life barely a year and a half before… but a further eighteen months on there was little to no contact left between them at all. Just a message every now and then. A few words, a line or two asking how he was.. He usually replied that he was doing well and that he hoped Ren was as well. He sent a card at Christmas, he never forgot his birthday, and he received the same care back. 

The cards he always kept, eight of them now, four years worth. They were kept tucked away safely in a folder which was neatly placed in a drawer in his bedroom. They had a meaning, those cards, something beyond the fact they were from the man he knew he still loved. In each one there was a little hand scrawled set of numbers, always on the left hand side. He took them out to look at them sometimes; but had never really thought too deeply on what they might relate to. 

Finally, however, he found he had the time to look at them again. The month of hard work had been concluded and had paid off, allowing him to head home from work at midday on a Friday, with the whole weekend ahead of him to call his own. It was a rare moment of bliss. He had come home and made an enjoyable lunch before idly wondering what to do to pass his free day, that was when the cards had come to mind, and he had found himself unable to resist walking through to his bedroom to look over them once again. 

Carefully he lifted the folder out of the drawer and carried it through to his neat and tidy study where he settled himself down at his desk and removed the cards. Flicking through them slowly, in the order they had been received he let his eyes take in the little strings of numbers once more. 3: 1.29 then 4: 0.48. After that came two together, 7: 0.36 & 3.43. Finally 9: 2.21. Following on from them the same pattern continued, in three more of them anyway. 6: 1.50 & 2.59 in the first, the second held 10: 0.20 and third 11: 0.40 & 1.24. He had looked at them often enough that he knew more or less what they said… but they had never really made an impact on him, not until now. Now when he looked them over they seemed to actually have meaning in his eyes. His hand went to a christmas card once more and he lifted it up. It was the first he had received after they had parted ways. 3: 1.29. He frowned slightly. He could be wrong. He could be misreading it or imagining things… but what did it hurt to check. 

Even before his his path had diverged from Ren’s, the strawberry blonde had focussed mostly on his modelling, though he had still found the time to put out two CD’s. The first of which had been finished shortly after Masato left Starish, as a side project of Ren’s, and both of which Masato had received from him as gifts, but had never had time to listen to. Well; there was time now, wasn’t there? He could afford to devote himself to them, to take in the music and finally allow himself to truly listen to the words. He had never wanted to listen to them half heartedly after all.

His life had once been so very, very wrapped up in music and song. How could it be that he was always so far from that now? It seemed wrong now that he thought about it, almost a little painful, but what could be done? Things were as they were. He had left that life, he had lost Ren. He had always been fairly certain that the beautiful man would not have been alone for long. He shook off the thought however, what was the point in dwelling in the past? He had things he wished to accomplish now. Careful steps had brought him across the room, and he had picked up the CD from the rack of them with no hesitation or need to search. After that he took but a moment to put it into the disc tray of his laptop before he sat himself back down, a very slight smile touching his lips as he heard the first track start up. The cards were soon pulled back towards him and once again a very small smile quirked up his lips at the corners. Track numbers, minutes and seconds… It was ridiculous, but he was certain that that was what he was looking at. Why though? Clearly Ren had a reason for wanting him to listen particularly to those lines. Well then… who was he to disappoint? It had already taken quite a while. 

He shifted his hand to the touch pad, delicately swiping it over the matte surface and skipping two tracks over. The first card instructed him to head to track three. One minute and twenty-nine seconds in. He allowed the intro to play, getting a feel for the music. Saxophone… typically Ren. It brought back fond memories and even fonder feelings. Soon though he found himself listening to that dark, sultry honey sweet voice that it had now been so long since he had heard in person. He found himself unable to skip any part of the track, his eyes however stayed fixed on the time. Twenty four, five, six…. seven, eight and… nine.

“Tomorrow never came for us but that doesn't change a thing, my feelings never faltered in the face of separation”

For a moment he felt frozen… he checked the time, shifted the slider back once again and let it play over;

“Tomorrow never came for us but that doesn't change a thing, my feelings never faltered in the face of separation”

It was the same. Just the same. His hand reached out to catch up the second card. Was Ren actually…? No it would be foolish of him to believe that… but just maybe… He flipped the card open. Track four, forty eight seconds. He pushed the slider along, curious now, too curious to even allow himself to listen to the music. 

“If counting the hours brings you closer to me then I'll count for a lifetime, I need you close. I miss your warmth.”

He drew in a steady breath, his fingers tightening on the card for a moment before he forced himself to set it down again, reaching out instead for his phone, pulling it towards him, and lifting it deftly from the desk. Opening the messaging app he pulled up the rarely used conversation with Ren and keyed in a message. 

\- ‘I am listening to your albums. Both of them.’

It was barely seconds later that the phone he was still holding sounded Ren’s reply. 

Jinguji  
‘Oh? You’ll have to let me know what you think’

His fingers moved over the touchscreen to reply once again. 

\- ‘I will. I have your cards as well. Track three? Track four?”

The response came at once. 

Jinguji  
‘Yes.’

Taking another slow breath and frowning very slightly he reached for the third card, two lines in this one. Track seven, thirty-six seconds and three minutes and forty-three. 

“The smile is still there, it burns in my soul, The absent feeling of your leaving keeps me from being whole.”

“I wouldn't change a thing, it's been years now and I still see your face in the mirror and feel your breath on my skin.”

Track nine, two minutes and twenty-one seconds.

“Your fingertips burned a pattern in my skin, the pattern that tells me of love and loss but also of the gift of you.”

His chest felt tight. He lifted his phone again.

\- ‘Track 7?’

Jinguji  
‘Yes.’

\- ‘Both lines?’

Jinguji  
‘Yes.’

\- ‘And 9?’

Jinguji  
‘Yes.’

 

He carried on. There were three left, and, each card offered him a track and one or two lines. 

Track six, one minute and fifty seconds and two minutes and fifty-nine seconds. 

“White dresses and veils, cakes and speeches, does it mean a thing to us anyway? We're here as we are knowing that trivial things don't matter as long as we are together.”

“If you were the jail I wouldn't need freedom, if you were sin I wouldn't need heaven. Baby, don't you understand that all you do is what’s good in the world?”

Jinguji  
‘Yes.’

Track ten, twenty seconds. 

“If they asked me to spell out love I'd utter the letters of your name, if they asked me to spell forever I'd still do the same.”

Jinguji  
‘Yes.’

Track eleven, forty seconds and one minute and twenty-four seconds. 

“Do you remember how well we fit? The hands that held mine, the lips that stole my breath away and the feeling of souls merging. I love you is what I utter into the air, do you hear it?”

“I'll never forget the first time we kissed, the electricity that shook my very being. I'd kissed before, I've thought of kissing since but I could never betray those lips.”

His finger was paused over the send button, preparing to ask Ren if the last ones were true as well. The first time they kissed… he could remember it to perfection. Dark… Cold and so, so warm. They had been walking back from the shop and had taken a detour. He had caught Ren’s wrist, he had pulled him to be still and he had stood there, looking him dead in the eye for a moment before kissing him, once, softly, square on the lips. The fingers that had touched his cheeks in return had been cool, but the breath that brushed his skin as they had pulled apart had been warm… he could still feel the sensation even now. 

He deleted his message and typed another. 

\- ‘There’s no one else?’

Jinguji  
‘No one. It never felt right.’

His chest felt tight, his heart was racing and his stomach fluttered in a strange way as he read the reply. His phone sounded again. 

Jinguji  
‘Masa… Where are you?’ 

\- ‘At home.”

Jinguji  
‘Can I come over...?’

He paused for a moment, dark blue eyes fixed on the glowing screen of his phone as the album started playing for a second time in the background, the final song having ended. He felt so strange, but there was only one answer he could give. 

\- ‘Yes.’


End file.
